| How I felt 3 months ago |
[Feb. 2nd, 2012|08:54 pm] |
" Well, its around 18days more to China. We had a long talk yesterday in school from 930am to 9pm with all the given information about China. To be honest, I'm actually quite looking forward to it. To experience and see it for myself, what's there in China. Also, to see if staying and studying abroad is suitable for me. I'm already forseeing myself being home-sick at times, but I guess... my roomies are my close friends, so I hope we won't kill each other, and everything would be fine.
This would definitely help train my independence and also make me understand myself better. In what way? Well, whatever I have here in Singapore, I have treated most of it for granted. Yes, whatever I have here. So leaving this country for 12weeks, I really hope my character would improve for the better.
Not only that, but as for your friends and family. Who are the friends who will be dropping me an email frequently? Who are the friends who would be willing to spend 20cents to send me an sms frequently? Who are the friends who will miss me a whole lot (not just tell me verbally) but what are their actions that they will do? I know, 3 months is not long... neither is it short. Who are the friends who would give me a big hug or cry and feel sad when I'm away for 3 months? Who are the friends who would miss my presence? Those people are the ones whom I feel, are my loyal friends, my true friends, etc. In addition that, there isn't any Facebook or Twitter in China, or maybe I could only access during the weekends due to time constrain. So that just make communicaion within friends even harder. At the end of the day, WHO are the people who would take the effort to... drop me multiple emails/smses or even camp on Skype to see me online. Who? Right now, I don't even know.
Being that Facebook and Twitter is so commonly used in Singapore, friends might just even wait for you to pop online on Facebook and start talking to you. Or even tweet you to ask questions. This platform might not be available in China. So people who take the extra mile to email me, I'm really thankful. Who knows, I might not even get an sms/email by them right?
Not only friends, family and relatives too. This is how I would know how much my parents cared for me. My parents are those kind that, they would give me a fishing rod to fish my own fish. And not helping me to fish a fish! So, they do care for me... but it's indirectly. Leaving Singapore for 12weeks, will my parents and my brother miss me? Would my relatives even be aware of me leaving for China? Do they even know my purpose of leaving for China? What about relatives who want to take advantage, and keep asking me to buy stuff for them? This is where people show their real self, not kidding.
After experiencing Internship, I realised that... in this society.. a lot of times, we're all alone. Not to say that there isn't any teamwork or bonding within colleagues, but there are alot of matter we would have to think and consider by ourselves. Using your own judgement, don't ask anyone. Yes, you can consult for opinions and feedbacks.. weight both sides and consider for yourself what's good. So if the decision is right/wrong, only yourself to blame. I really really wanna train myself to be independant and not rely on anyone, because you never know when you rely on someone, what runs through their heads you won't even know. Which is the scary part, you rely on them.. on the surface they seem happy. but at the back? They start complaining. Ridiculous!
So yes.. afterall I don't have a boyfriend. So there isn't anything that I can't bear to leave in Singapore (Hahaha). Except my bed, singapore food, internet, family & friends. It's also good that I'm far far away so I don't have to really care of what happens in Singapore. As of now, I'm really sick and tired of all that's happening around me now. I feel like scolding and screaming and lecturing a lot of people that are causing trouble to me and the people around me! But I always think "Okay whatever, can't be bothered.. leaving for China soon. None of my business, you can go carry on dig your own grave!"
Lastly, I think people who say that they can't bear to leave China because of their boyfriends. I think it's complete stupidity! If you can't stand it that you guys are gonna be apart for 3months, don't talk about him going to NS next time. Or even when you both get married and he has to go overseas to work, etc. This point of time will come sooner or later one lor? When you guys get older.. theres bound to be some sort of sepration. Stop "yakking" about this situation and face it la, thnk of ways to spice up the relationship la. "
This entry was written before I went for the China Immersion Program last year. I was having all sorts of insecurities around me, so I wrote this entry but never posted it out. I guess it's good to publish this now, since I'm already back. |
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endedmelodies's journal
thankful